Our relationship with vending machines is one of frustration and sadness interrupted by brief periods of reward.

I was down in the lunch room recently, and one of my co-workers was staring at the vending machine bin where his bag of chips should have appeared. Instead, he was pondering his next move – should he go tell someone that he got ripped off? Or should he put more money into the machine?

It got me thinking about my younger days when I committed some youthful indiscretions involving some vending machines. Some might call it vandalism. More than 30 years later, I'm not sure what I would call it.

I can't recall where it was, but it started with a vending machine failing to deliver the goods. Keep in mind that this was a long time ago, when I was young and dumb and my right leg was more stout, especially when I reared back and kicked the machine.

Instead of getting my candy bar (who knows what it really was), a bunch of money fell into the coin return. Well, if one kick worked, why not another? That worked too. Man, I tell you, I was kicking the daylights out of that machine. I nearly got shin splints from kicking that machine so many times. For my well-placed foot: $5 in change. Seemed like a fortune.

Months later, I saw a guy I know rocking a vending machine back and forth. Of course, it had taken his money, and he was determined to either get his money or his candy bar out of that machine. Naturally, I lent him a hand. Between the two of us, we got quite a bit from that machine that day – we even got some snacks.

One time, someone actually smashed the front of a machine. I didn't take anything. That would be stealing. In my youthful criminal mind, there was a difference between kicking a machine and breaking the glass.

Last year, I lost some money to the lunch room vending machine. The thought crossed my mind that I should kick the damn thing. Instead, I slapped the machine lightly just above the coin return. It was like striking a vault door. Uh oh, I thought, this machine is too tough for me. I meekly went to the counter and requested a refund.

I notice some of the new machines have anti-rage devices built in. If your snack fails to drop, you get an automatic refund. It doesn't make you any happier, but at least you don't lose as much money ... or your mind.

 
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