Watching a contrite President Bush on the television after his party took a beating the night before, I began to imagine a fictional conversation that he had with Democratic House Leader Nancy Pelosi earlier that day:

5 a.m., Nov. 8

Bush: Nancy, it's George.

Pelosi: Huh ... uh ... um, what time is it?

Bush: It's 5 o'clock in the morning. Get yer blue state BE-hind out of bed. We got work to do!

Pelosi (wearily): Why are you calling me at this time of the day? I just went to sleep an hour ago.

Bush: Nancy, just had to call you and tell you this. I get it. We lost. We got whupped. Shellacked. Boonswoggled. The pooch screwed us. But that's in the past. Can't do nothin' to undo that. Heh heh. Listen, I'm gettin' rid of Rummy. (pause -- some scuffling sounds heard in the background) You hear that? That's the sound of Rummy packing his bags. Secret Service's been told to show him the door by 6 a.m. Get out. Gone. He's history.

Pelosi: Well, that's good news. Finally, you've done something I like.

Bush: That ain't all darlin'. Listen here. I want you to come on over to the White House in a couple hours. We'll have a nice old time. Have some lunch. You can meet Laura. Kids are in college, so that'll have to wait. Don't worry about makeup or nothing. Just you and me, chatting, getting to know each other. OK, see ya!

Bush (to White House press chief Tony Snow): Call up all the networks and newspapers. Make sure they're down here when N. Diddy arrives. Yeah, tomorrow, we're gonna have a helluva good laugh about this one. Talk about a Kodak moment. Next, have the transportation secretary plan some major roadwork down in Crawford. It's time for that nutjob Cindy whatshername to get her whiny ass out of my state. Yessir. Things are going to get interesting 'round here now.

 
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